hello friends!

Before I start rambling I wanted to let you know I'm coming back to COLUMBUS on June 21st! Holy cow, it will have been three months and since my visa expires then I'm coming home rather than renew it.

It is feeling pretty bittersweet that I'll be back in America eating chicken fingers and sleeping in my own bed in just three weeks because I have a million things I still want to do and see here before I come back! This week I'm traveling to Nairobi, then to Rwanda to visit my dear friend Jean Claude, then to Zanzibar to visit with a friend from high school. I have two presentations to give on my research here and a group of us are going to climb Mt. Kenya and I know there are still hundreds of babies left for me to snuggle.

It has been a great week, I got two awesome packages from my college roommates packed with snacks, candy and DVD's, we had an awesome outreach on Wednesday where we diagnosed and treated over 100 mothers and children, we had a public holiday on Friday and my friend Jill and I traveled to Meru for lunch and shopping. The weather is starting to cool off and the rainy season is just ending but it still gets hot during the day so I am enjoying lots reading in the sun and I've been going to my favorite garden at a local hotel to read and work lately. Its a little piece of serenity and beauty!

I've been working with the administrative and senior management team here putting together several documents and presentations. I've made Maua's first employee handbook and orientation manual and I've done a lot of research within the hospital staff trying to analyze their high staff turnovers, poor work ethic and unsafe patient to nurse ratios. It has been an interesting and trying experience. I really like structure, stability, organization and order. Everything in Kenya is the complete opposite, kind of chaotic, unorganized, discombobulated and just plain messy. I've learned a lot of patience and I've also learned a ton about the culture through engaging and observing the staff and drawing up plans to make the hospital a better place to work and serve. Its been fun to make friends with the hospital staff and nursing students and I'm hopeful for change and transformation in the near future.

okay now that all that info is out there...here is some of the randomness going on inside me:
I was skyping with my sweet friend Hanna (Hi Hanna!) and I was telling her that I just liked myself better here. I think I'm a better version of myself here than I am at home. I don't know if it is because I have less distractions, less people to please, less worldly things that I feel disappointed by...or maybe it is just because I feel like I have more purpose here, I feel like everyday I am doing something good that is helping people, that is furthering the kingdom, that is changing someones life even if its just a little thing like teaching someone safe family planning...I don't know what it is but I like who I am. I like who I am becoming and I like the simplicity of my life here. Don't get me wrong I miss Netflix, my iPhone and fast-food big time but the simplicity brings such freedom that has been refreshing and revitalizing for me and I'm super thankful for that and excited to be home and striving to be the same person and the best version of myself there too.

I'm nervous to come back home, nervous that nothing will have changed, or that everything will have changed. Its similar to the way I felt after coming back from summer project in 2007. I feel totally different, I've seen and experienced so much and I have a better understanding of myself, of God and of humanity. It changes you. And I don't want to forget that either. After seeing some of the things I saw I feel a responsibility, a responsibility for change. I want to see and help things be different here, even if I spend the rest of my life trying to figure it out. I read this book called, The White Man's Burden, its about how western countries feel an obligation to "save Africa" and so we send lots of money but really we're just enabling the people in Africa to depend on us to save them, rather than enabling them through other means to save themselves. It convicted me because in America we think "oh man there are sick and starving people in Africa, I'll do my part and write a check" and I think that is great, really I do, that God has blessed people financially to bless others. But my heart beats differently when I think of the sick and starving...I want to help people help themselves...and this trip has been primarily about teaching people family planning skills or healthy hygiene. And I know its a small thing and there are a lot of needs, but more good is done if we give people the means to take care of themselves, to help their own country out of poverty. And I don't know the answers, I don't know how to actually solve these problems or what I can do from America, but its something my heart breaks for and I'm excited that God has laid this on my heart and also excited because I know that this won't be my last time in Africa.

My life was really busy in Columbus, and my life here is the complete opposite. I work during the day and then I have a lot of free time. It has been so good for my heart to have down time, to read, reflect, watch movies and go to bed early (Even though the first 2 weeks I was going crazy!) I use to blame busyness for why my relationship with God was hard sometimes...why I felt distant. I was so caught up in ministry, who had time for a relationship?! But since being here and having so much down time, I've been grateful for the opportunity to move closer to God, to reconnect with him again and of course that was scary too, sometimes the way we talk about it, it sounds like a huge giant chore. RECONNECT WITH GOD! Like it will takes days or weeks, or a vow of silence or whatever we think it might be...but really I've learned that it only takes a couple seconds or one small choice to more towards Him. It doesn't have to be this big planned out event, it can take just a whispered prayer, or a thought about Him rather than me. Its simple to move closer to God, because even after one little prayer, I'm closer to Him than I was before. And thats what it really is all about, moving closer to him, even if its just baby steps at first, even if its only a couple minutes...it's not as hard or as scary as I once thought it to be and there isn't as much pressure as I once put on myself.

Here are a couple pictures from the recent week...

Isn't she precious. She only has hair on half of her head!

This little guy has measles but you'd never be able tell by that smile!

Heres what it looks like when I'm working in the pharmacy at outreach!
 I feel a little bit like a drug dealer!

miss you all and I'll be seeing you SOON!
xo

Trip Highlights

well I'm back from my trip to the coast and it was everything I had hoped it would be...relaxing, warm and beautiful! I read a lot (finished 5 books in 10 days!) ate great food, laid in the sun, shopped and reconnected with my friends from Denmark. After our week in Mombasa and Diani Beach we took the overnight train back to Nairobi which was an experience! I had never done this before but it was cheap and fun. Sleeping was difficult due to the noise and the bumping around and when we went to the bathroom I could see the ground zipping by beneath me, however we woke up as we were driving through a national park so outside my window were zebras, giraffes, buffalo, and lots of other animals. It was an amazing way to wake up and I never get tired of seeing safari animals! We spent a day or so in Nairobi shopping and exploring and I came back to Maua today.

Here are just a few highlights from the trip:

I rode a camel on the beach. It was awesome. My camel's name was Adam (funny, right?) but there was also Eve, Pluto and Barack Obama. It was a bumpy ride but a lot of fun and gorgeous on the beach!

Multiple people have been asking me recently if I know karate. Apparently they have seem The Karate Kid and assume all Asians know karate. It was funny the first 3 or 4 times...

We went snorkeling on a glass bottom boat and it was awesome. Clear waters, awesome coral and beautiful fish. Here are a couple shots I took when we were checking out some of the sea life.

Here is just a glimpse of one of the city centers we found to shop at in Nairobi...lots of shops, lots of great stuff.

Also I saw someone on the streets in Nairobi wearing a Ben Roethisburger jersey! I tried to take a picture and shout out the window but he didn't see/hear me. I think a lot of people get donated clothes because one of our drivers was wearing a Pittsburgh Pirates hat and didn't even know what the 'P' was for or who the Pirates were, but it still made my heart happy!

I'm glad to be back home and ready for a busy week of outreach and medical clinics. Ps did I mention I helped deliver a baby last week? It was awesome and this is the sweet beautiful little girl. (It was also kind of gross because the nurse I was helping didn't wear gloves (SUPER GROSS) I did though, don't worry!)

Mombasa and Diani Beach

I think I'm in love with the Indian Ocean. One of the things I wanted to do while I was in Africa was swim in the Indian Ocean...I mean when else would I have the chance. I laid eyes on it and I'm smitten. It's a gorgeous blue green and it has white sands and it's warm! I love it.
We arrived in Mombasa on Thursday morning. I took a 6 hour matatu ride from Maua, met up with Christina and Ida in Nairobi and we boarded a 10:30pm overnight bus. It was surprisingly comfortable and I was able to sleep more than I expected. We arrived in hot Mombasa around 9am took a tuk tuk which looks is like a little taxi/motorbike for three. It's really fun to ride in and we got dropped off at a hostel about 15 minutes from the city. It was nice, clean and had decent food. We explored in town, did shopping, visited the beach and read alot. Saturday morning we took a tuk tuk to the ferry and across to Diani beach! It is everything I expected an more. We found a brand new hostel that must have been a really nice resort before because the lodging is amazing. It has a gorgeous pool, my dream bathroom (claw foot tub and all!) and is a 5 minute walk to the beach. I am loving exploring here, swimming in the ocean, and we have plans for snorkeling and hiking! If you are ever looking for a vacation hot spot, Diani beach is it! I promise you won't be disappointed.
Ps I'm writing this post from my iPhone because there is free wifi! So I will try and upload pics as well! Miss and love you all...wish you were here!

Random Ramblings & little Sierra

I’m not quite sure when fear became so paralyzing in my life. I just kind of always remember it being there...maybe it started in the third grade when I did my first piano guild (I memorized 10 pieces on the piano and played them for a judge that critiqued me, talk about wounds!) or maybe it was when I was 14 and about to start high school and petrified but trying to play it cool...or when I was 17 and had my heart broken for the first time or just four years ago when I was graduating from college and about to pursue a career in ministry rather than nursing...I’m not really sure when or where fear became such a big obstacle for me. Maybe its because I hate disappointing people, or dread the idea of letting anyone down, but somewhere along the way I became powerless in taking risks, deathly afraid to take a step in what could be the wrong direction and an avid player in the “what if” game.

Until about 6 months ago when I decided to throw caution into the wind and quit my job and spend some time overseas. I know many of you were thinking, who is that girl, right?! I like to refer to this as my Eat, Pray, Love trip. (read the book, its way better than the movie, but in short its all about a woman’s journey of self discovery.) Obviously alot of things led to this decision and I had many “Oh Crap, what have I done?” moments coupled with pure excitement but all drowning in fear and anxiety.

And through facing fears, like packing up my desk and leaving Heritage on my last day, or stepping onto the airplane in Columbus after crying all through the car ride, through security and up to my gate, or coming to a country where I dont know anyone and dont have any friends or family or support system, I’ve realized that taking risks is part of life. Otherwise we never change, we never grow, we never reach our full potential.

And the last thing I want to do is become stagnant in my life. I want to be less afraid to dream, to make exciting and surprising plans for my life. I want to flourish and become the best possible version of myself. All that starts with overcoming fears. And all that is starting to happen here in Africa.

I come in contact with sick babies, bad water, mosquitos carrying malaria and much more everyday and just like overcoming these fears of disease, I’m slowly facing my fear of total and complete surrender to Jesus. (Nick, I’ll get back to you on what that tangibly looks like but lets just assume we both know right now). Like all my other fears, I have fears of whole heartedly following Jesus because its a risk and there are no contracts or guarantees, there is just me steeping blindly hoping I have enough faith to believe that Jesus will show up, but also knowing that when He does it often involves trials and painful lessons. Fast forward to today, I’m snuggling this precious HIV+ baby that came to the clinic and I realized that all the scary risks I took over the last couple months have brought me to this place of loving this little baby, Sierra and it was a no brainer to hold her and love on her until her mom tells me I have to give her back, who cares about the scary what ifs, in this moment snuggling her was all that mattered and my heart was so full of love and joy. I realize that God has been faithful to me through a dozen fears and risks I’ve taken and here I am literally living out the rewards, sitting in a dirt clinic looking into this cute baby’s dark brown eyes. So why wouldnt I continue to trust Jesus, to surrender to His will and believe His promises...I’d be lying if I said it isnt scary but part of living an adventurous life is taking risks and overcoming fears and I prayed for adventure and I am loving living that out every day!

I was dying it was so hot and sweet little Sierra was bundled in a sweater and blanket.
Don't you just love those checks?

I slaughtered a chicken!

So one of the things I wanted to do while I was here in Africa was to slaughter a chicken. I don't know why but I figured I love chicken why not get the whole process and where better place than Africa?!

Live chickens are sold in town at the market and my friend McKenna who is a nurse at the hospital is a pro at chicken slaughtering so she was happy and willing to teach me. So we bought one yesterday and stuck it in the pantry overnight. Yes thats right, in the kitchen cabinet.

This is the chicken I affectionately named "CANES" after my favorite Chicken Finger place in Columbus. As an afterthought, maybe naming the chicken I was soon to kill was a bad idea.

Isn't it cute? I was maybe sorta petrified of it. It was clearly scared, probably knowing it was going to die. It would squawk and squirm and it did not like when I held its wings down. Here is the last pre-death picture of Mary and I holding the chicken. (Well, I wasn't actually holding it, but petting it)

Here is the video of us killing it. I thought I was either going to faint or throw up but I didn't! I held on to him very tightly but passed on the original idea for me to stand on the chicken with my feet and cut at the neck. Instead I just held on really tightly. It was awfully bloody.

I didn't realize what a process it was to eat a chicken. However once we cut off its head, we put it in some boiling water and then started to de-feather it. Once it was naked we started to cut it apart, throwing all the parts we dont eat away. However in Africa, they eat the heart, the liver, the gizzard, and the testes. Gross right? Here are some pictures of that process:

 

All these pictures to say that after cooking the chicken, I couldn't bare to eat it. We cooked it on the stove with some onions and seasoning and it just didn't taste like Canes chicken. All I could think about were cutting off the head, ripping out the heart and the liver and all the blood. Yuck. I think this was my first and last chicken slaughtering experience!

Hey blogger friends...its been a while since I posted anything. I was feeling pretty YUCKY for a couple days which you can imagine is not fun with a squatty potty for a toilet. However, I am back and feeling great. Its been raining everyday here which really cools things off, and I can't believe it is MAY! Time really flies. We had a national holiday yesterday (Labor Day?!) which meant no work, so Jill and I went to Meru to the grocery store and for lunch. It was nice to get out of town. My mom was been sending me awesome packages so I'm not starving as much anymore too. (Thanks mom!)

I'm reading a ton, finishing up season 4 of Friday Night Lights, knitting a baby blanket and pinning my life away on Pinterest. There is a lot more down time than I imagined so if your schedule ever allows for a Skype date with someone 7 hours ahead, let me know!

In the meantime I thought I'd give you a couple random snapshots of life in Maua...missing you all.
xo

Ewww. This is why I don't eat the meat here. All those black dots are flies. VOM.

24 people crammed into a 14 passenger matatu

The Swahili service at church. I didn't understand a single word. But isn't it pretty?

Doesn't he look like he could be a model? Snot and all?

SPOTLIGHT: KALEB

This precious baby is Kaleb. Today he is one month old! He was born premature at 35 weeks and his mother passed away due to pre-ecclampsia. Kaleb has been in the "NICU" (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit) for the last month without any visitors. Eventually his father is going to come and get him, but no one is quite sure when. He has been discharged for the past 2 weeks and is doing great. He is so precious and I just love snuggling him. He reminds me of all the cute babies I love back in Columbus! It breaks my heart that he hasn't had any visitors so I like to stop by everyday and give him some love. Pray for Kaleb to keep getting stronger, for him to feel special and loved even though he doesn't have any parents or family around. Pray for his father who is going to resume responsibility of him eventually, pray that he comes soon. Pray for this sweet little boy who I just love and feel so sad for that he will never know his mother.

My friend Ida!

Oh I just love his little face!